The angel in my closet...

I have been blessed with so much in my life that it would be totally ignorant of me not to recognize that fact. Regardless of my present situation, when I pause to take a look back at almost any instant in time during my past, I am always able to find something very good in my life that overwhelmingly outweighs anything bad. It is as if my life in itself is fueled by amazing moments of love, caring, and understanding that always tip the balance on the side of my well being. Of course there are exceptions to the rule, which is completely normal and to be expected, since death, heartbreaks, and the ever so frequent bad day do make their way into my life like it does for everyone else. However, if I was able to create a point system which gave positive values for good moments, and negative values for the not so good ones, by the time I added them all up surely I would have a healthy jar of positive values as the total balance.

In the midst of a bit of self reflection I wrote a post last Friday that obviously opened the door of my closet allowing those interested to walk in to take a peek at how I was feeling on that particular day. I tend to discover a lot about myself and my emotions when I write this particular kind of post. In fact, it is very frequent that by the time I finish typing away what is in my mind, a sort of invisible weight is lifted off my chest granting me a great deal of peace which is apparently hidden underneath what at that moment might of been consuming me. It is surprisingly therapeutic to take the time to put into words what otherwise might of remained deep inside me as just feelings. I confess that I sometimes have my doubts that maybe I have said too much, revealing some of the most intimate and personal thoughts and emotions I have inside of me. However, the alternative of keeping it all bottled up inside me is what I have discovered to be a very unhealthy habit which has the tendency to erode the foundation of my overall well being.

In response to the above mentioned post, a dear and caring friend sent me a lovely email with several interesting comments that have given me a lot to reflect on. In my post I make reference to how I have kept the living room space of my home mostly vacant since I moved in almost 18 months ago. If you have not read the post, it might help to do so in order to have the full context from which she makes her comments. This is what she writes:

"Perhaps in your subconscious mind you are wanting to save that room to be filled with the special person in your life that will need a place for some of her things! I can tell you from experience, it really doesn't matter what you have going on in your life when the 'right' person comes along. If the person is the right person for you, they will accept and want to be a part of your life in the good times and the bad. They will embrace your children as theirs and support you in difficult times and rejoice with you in happy times."

How does someone acquire such vast knowledge in order to enlighten my mind and heart in just four sentences? This my dear readers is true wisdom. I am not saying that her reasoning is flawless, since in a sense the room might just be empty because currently I simply lack the financial means to purchase what I wish to fill it up with. Or maybe I might just be waiting for my son's to grow up from their habits that tend to make anything nice turn old and ugly in no time at all. In other words, I cannot profess that the room is empty because it awaits for a partner to fill it with her stuff, even though the idea is not a bad one either. However, the "right" person concept is amazingly real and accurate. Is that not what the definition of the "right" person should be? I find it impossible to improve on her simple yet brutally truthful comment. Having the most challenging, yet important part of my life "embraced" while having the "support" while things are not perfect, brings to mind the image of a God sent angel. Still, as she describes it with such eloquence my mind, heart, and soul feel teased with the prospect of such a creature being alive. To be loved with such devotion that all of what is good and bad about me and my life is not only tolerated, but also accepted...indeed, only two words could describe this soul, my angel.

Throughout my life I have had the opportunity to walk into other people's closets. I too have had to make choices about unconditional love and acceptance. I would be lying to you if I would say that I ever possessed any ability whatsoever to grow wings. I do hope though that time, maturity, and the experiences that I have collected inside my own life might somehow bring me closer to possessing the qualities that my dear friend describes for me to become the "right" person myself. What good would it do for me to have the "right" person in my life if I am not able to be the "right" person in theirs.

Dad