Jump off at your own risk...

I've had the flu since Sunday night. This is no fun since the few pills that allow me to feel better are the same ones that make me want to curl up in bed and sleep it all away. If only that was possible maybe I would get better quicker, but so far the only day I've taken off for this dreadful illness was Monday. At midnight on Sunday I started to cough and eventually dragged myself out of bed to find my keys and unlock the safe in which I now hide any medications from my impulsive older son. In fact, in the safe I found some cough syrup I had confiscated from his room several months ago and I consumed the recommended dosage. Nothing, one hour later I was still coughing in what seemed like a constant bark from a dog behind a fence being teased by a conceited cat that knows he is unreachable. Once again I dragged my now even more tired body out of bed in search for some quick remedy to stop my incessant cough. This time I went for the sure kill and took two Benadryl. I figured if I could dry out the post nasal dripping and fall asleep in the same effort, my prayers would be answered. Sure enough, by 3:00 a.m. I was out like a log. When my alarm went off three hours later reminding me that it was time to get ready for work, my body was too over medicated to care enough to do anything other than press the snooze button over and over again until it was obvious that I was not going to get up. One extremely short email to my boss saying "Sending you a note to let you know that I am sick and won't be able to come in to work today..." and I slipped under the covers shivering for the next eight hours because of a fever that partnered up with my soar throat to make sure I could recognize the symptoms of truly being sick.

The next day my throat still hurt just as bad, but at least the fever seemed to stay at bay while the four hour effects of the Tylenol Cold pills consumed did their job, so I went to work. The good thing about coming to work while I am still sick is that nobody wants to catch my cooties, so they don't come into my office with too many requests. The bad thing about coming to work while I am sick is that all day I am constantly looking up at the clock on my wall wondering how much longer I plan on torturing myself in my office. The no dumb requests meant that I was able to get a lot of work done even while feeling like crap, so I decided to torture myself again today and come back in so that I could catch up with a few other things that needed to be finished this week. Tomorrow is "Fat Bird Day" or Thanksgiving, so I already asked for Friday off so that I can give myself a real chance to get better from the flu. There is nothing less rewarding than finally having a holiday off from work and not really being able to enjoy it at its fullest because of being sick. OK, enough of this talk, let's get into the true reason for this post, an update on what is going on with me and my sons.

The results of the California High School Proficiency Examination taken by my oldest son a bit over a month ago came in. As I suspected, he passed without any problems and has now earned the legal equivalent of a high school diploma in the state of California. I guess I should be happy for him since this means that even though he has had some shaky times while attending high school, at least now he will be able to apply to some local colleges and continue his higher education. How I should feel and how I really feel are two very different emotions. The reasonable and rational side of my brain appears to be in conflict with the emotional side. My mind is in conflict because even though this achievement is most definitely an indication of his advanced intelligence, I feel as if he is cheating life by not allowing himself to experience all that there is to learn from attending high school at the same pace as his piers. Interestingly, even though he did drop out of school when he took this test, all of his friends are constantly coming over to our home after school to socialize. In effect he has managed to cut out the academic experience without breaking the social link.

When I was in high school, I too took an accelerated pace in getting out and heading towards college. After taking classes for several summers I advanced enough in credits in order for me to graduate a year early. I have always regretted that decision since even though at the time I did not feel the need to participate in a senior year of high school, later in life I found myself wishing that I would of done so. For me college was a wonderful experience and I loved every minute of the time I spent getting a higher education. However, I believe that the final year of high school had lessons that I needed to learn which I cheated myself out of because of my rush to get into college. Of course college offered me a great deal of exciting challenges so at the time I could not truly appreciate what I had missed by rushing into it so quickly, but later on I did find myself wondering why I was in such a hurry to grow up.

In the midst of it all I see my oldest son making so many of the same mistakes that I made, yet no matter how hard I try to communicate with him what I have learned, he seems just as I did at his age convinced that he knows what is best for him. I have written about this in a previous post, and I know that I have to allow him to make his own path regardless of my ability to predict or anticipate the consequences of his mistakes. There really is no way around this reality since growing into a good man is much like making a battle worthy sword. In order to make a strong sword that will not break while in battle, the sword maker needs to expose the metal alloy to extreme temperatures until it glows dangerously red. He then uses a heavy hammer to pound it with great skill and force against an anvil slowly creating the desired shape. In between heating and hammering he also dips it in cold water forging the metal so that it retains its strength. Over and over again this process is repeated until the correct shape and strength for the sword is obtained. Still, at this point the weapon is both dull in luster and sharpness, so the task remains for the creator to masterfully grind the edge against a stone to turn it into an effective weapon and later spend hours on end polishing it to make it shine beautifully. Skipping any of these steps will not give the same results in the end. Not allowing the metal to be exposed to extremes only results in the creation of a weak weapon. Without sharpening the sword is much less effective. If the sword is not polished, it still has the same value in battle, but the warrior might not carry it with as much pride.

Only time will tell if the path taken and the lessons learned by my sons will be enough to make good men out of them both. Every once in a while I catch myself wanting to spare them some of the struggles that I can clearly see them walking right into in their lives. Because of my love for them I hate the idea of them getting hurt, so I am constantly on guard making myself available in case they need my assistance. As their father I feel obligated to set rules and boundaries so that they don't fall off the side of life's healthy boat. Yet it almost always seems out of my hands when they decide to jump ship and try to swim on their own to a shore that is just too far out for their abilities. What I have learned is to stop trying to prevent that from happening because it becomes increasingly frustrating and not doable. Instead I've chosen to navigate my life around theirs paying close attention to when their head drops under water for too long so that I can reach in and give them a hand to stay afloat. However, at this point in their lives the most important lesson I am trying to teach them is that I cannot be there to keep an eye on them 24 hours a day. If they jump off and swim to far away from my life's boat, they might find themselves all on their own.

Dad