Very little splash in the entry...

It has been over a week since I caught the flu, and to any of you that have gotten this bug I send my deepest sympathy. This has been one of the most miserable weeks I have had in a long time. I hope you have not been too disappointed with me not being able to get on the computer and write, I apologize and beg for your patience as I am barely getting back to work today. I cannot really say if the worst is over since DayQuil, NightQuil, Tylenol Cold, and Actifed are all taking turns in nursing and masking many of the symptoms that seem to drag on for too many days to count. Still, I will make an effort to write a few words and share a bit while my mind is willing even if my body is begging me to go back to rest.

A co-worker and old friend of mine walked into my office this morning to share a bit of his previous Thanksgiving week even though I warned him to stay at a discrete distance to avoid getting infected with the flu. As he sat at least eight feet away he began whispering a bit of the frustration he encountered with relatives that had come to visit for the holiday feast that he and his wife had prepared as they typically had done for the last eleven years. All was apparently well until his father in law suggested that my friend take some time to talk to his nephew which at age 16 seemed to be involved in some kind of drug use. The conversation turned into a discussion, which eventually turned into a bit of a loud confrontation, and all because my dear friend's instant assessment of the teenager's behaviour did not conform to his father in law's own perspective. As he described the discussion, mean words were exchanged and even though a cooling off period was wisely enforced, eventually a simple comment on his end provoked another spree of discontent which led for some of the attendees to prematurely depart the gathering in a fit of anger.

I can safely tell you that with the little that I learned from the one sided conversation with my old friend, neither side was truly equipped to deal with the controversial subject of teenage drug use in a productive manner. On one end I can only imagine the other side of the family trying to elicit help from other male figures in the family and discovering that sometimes opinion about these kind of problems tend to block most productive conversations. On my friend's end it was easy to see how lack of experience, since my dear friend is just now starting to deal with teenage issues from one of his two daughters, has not given him any tools to equip himself on such dreadful real life situations. I for one would love to be on the side of blissful ignorance, but of course, if you have read any of my blog you already know that this is not the reality of my life. I intend to take the time at a later date, when my eyeballs are not burning from the back side because of the flu, to have this conversation again with my friend and try to enlighten him a bit on the subject. Even though he has been a good friend for over 20 years and we have shared a lot of times some of our family situations, our work relationship has kept me from offering the link to this blog in fear of what I might reveal that could backfire at times in which work might come before friendship. It did not really surprise me to hear his short version and opinion on what had happened since the truth is that until I found myself having to deal with such dilemmas, I too had a very different view of what it was like to negotiate decisions between my mind, heart, and sense of ethics.

If I have learned something that I can share with certainty with all of you, it is the fact and realization that nothing in life is as it seems to be in its entirety unless you are the individual that is having the experience first hand. Just as in so many other places in life, it is definitely not the same to be a first hand participant than it is to be a spectator. How many times have we watched the World Olympics and found ourselves having a hard time accepting the simple one step forward dismount error that is so common in gymnastic events? The performance is flawless and then at the end comes that little "hop" that we wish the athlete would get under control to be able to achieve a perfect score. Several days into the events, as spectators we feel as if we are almost experts in the judging criteria that is enforced to score a diver as he or she produces a little or a lot of splash when the finally enter the pool water. Even though we might be inclined to feel a sense of expertise after watching events from the outside seat as a spectator, the truth is that we are no match to the trained eye of the individuals that have been the main characters of these events for a very long time.

I see real life experiences in the same way. My opinion is really just that, and opinion, unless I have first hand knowledge and experience in the matter at hand. I have learned to take much more time asking questions and learning from the individuals that are tangled up in life's issues, than giving my opinion. If I interject too soon, I typically miss out on a great deal of the essential information that is really needed to understand what is truly going on. No matter how similar my situation might seem to someone else, I have learned that the dynamics at play that surround other people's lives are many times completely different than the ones in my own. When I attend group counseling with my son, I hear stories that as they begin to unfold the similarities are amazingly similar to mine. However, eventually more information fills in the blanks and it is inside of those blanks that most of the true differences really reveal themselves to project a much different set of circumstances in other people's lives. So in essence, my story is the same as everyone else story until I truly pay attention to the little things that come out if I stay quite and listen attentively. This does not really surprise me, the fact that my story and so many others are incredibly unique in their own way. In fact, I now am of the idea that even though we are all able to learn from each other's experiences in life, there is very little we can do to prevent much of the eventual outcome due to our uniqueness and individuality. What I have mostly learned from others is how to sharpen my skills as a parent, what to look for in the way of signs to be able to recognize where I am at in my life with my children, and of course, what I might need to focus on in order to survive the more difficult times. The truth is that in real life there is only one gold medal per event, but the fact that my life is full of little "hops" or a little bit of splash at the end of some pretty amazing events does not make them any less beautiful.

Dad