Bottoms up!

I am honored to be able to announce that this blog has been visited now over 2,300 times. Not once when I began typing away did I consider that what I was sharing here with you would be read by so many in such a short amount of time. I originally set my self a goal of coming in as many times as possible during the week, write my thoughts, and then save them to be published at a rate of only twice a week so that I could have a backlog of posts to publish when I would be to busy to write. However, I quickly came to realized that I have very little self control over my ability to hold on to anything I write to share with you. Instead, as quickly as I am able to write something I find myself clicking on the "PUBLISH POST" button, many times even before proof reading it for grammatical errors. I apologize if sometimes you start reading and find yourself having to correct either my word spelling or composition in order to make sense of my writing. Being candid I confess that English is most definitely my second language and I can only imagine how horrified a good editor would be if he or she would read all of this. However, I never imagined that so many individuals would be interested in what I am sharing here with you today, so my goal has never been to create a literary masterpiece, instead I am just writing pretty much with the same words that I would be speaking to you in person. All this been said, thank all of you for reading, and many thanks to those of you who have sent me advice, words of encouragement, and your own thoughts to contribute to the subjects I have brought forth in my posts.

Many of the individuals reading my posts are friends and some are family members. However, with so many visitors to these pages it is obvious to me that many of the individuals reading have never met or shared with me via any other means of communication. Even though we have never met, I consider you to fall into the category of "new friends" and most definitely not "strangers." After all, you do know a great deal about me from what I have shared in this blog, and trust me when I tell you that I am not accustomed to sharing this much personal information with strangers. It is also obvious that you know much more about me than I know about you since most of the exchange, with the exception of comments left behind by some of you, has been what can be considered a one way street of me writing and you reading. To those who know me it should be more obvious why it is that I am in many ways pouring my heart out by sharing so much of my private life on this blog, but to my new friends it might still be a bit of a mystery. Let me quickly shed some light on the matter so that all of my readers can have a better picture of what I am trying to accomplish.

First of all, I do not mention this often enough but if you are a new reader to these pages it would be of great advantage that you scroll down to the bottom of these posts and start reading from the first one I published and work yourself up a little bit at a time. The reason I recommend you doing so is because at the moment in which I started writing I shared a great deal of information with respect to my background, my children, and all of the events that have transpired through my life and theirs which led me to start posting on this blog. I promise you that reading from the bottom up will bring to you a much better mental picture of the challenges I am dealing with on a daily basis with my children. This could significantly affect the benefits you could gain from much of what I write about. Think of it as learning an advanced math subject such as Calculus. There is very little chance you will be able to understand the middle chapters of a Calculus text book if you have not read those published in the front of the book. Another way of looking at it is to compare how much more you will enjoy reading this blog as to what happens when you miss the first fifteen minutes of a movie because the popcorn line was too long at the concession stand. By missing the introduction it almost always guarantees that you will not understand the twist at the end. Even worse, imagine reading a book backwards or watching a movie with all the characters moving in reverse. Again, trust me when I tell you that starting at the bottom and working your way up will definitely bring to you a much better picture of what I am now writing about in my new posts.

This all been said, back to motives and goals. While dealing with what seems to me as a very complicated situation with my now teenage son throughout his entire life, I have made certain discoveries that I am very much compelled to share with others. I have learned quite a bit about him, myself, and how to deal with a myriad of parental challenges for which I have discovered very little useful documented help elsewhere. I am by no means an expert in neither mental health nor parenting. However, like it or not I have been thrown into an incredible foreign world of challenges that because of my strong desire to help and my deeply ingrained sense of love and responsibility has placed me in a unique position to learn how to deal with it all. In this cocktail that I am constantly having to mix and drink called "my life," an amazing amount of ingredients keep its flavor in a swirl of aromas and tastes that even though they are dangerously intoxicating, I am like and addict that has very little choice in the final outcome once I take my daily sip of reality. I cannot delegate this job to anyone else because in essence, this is my life. All I am able to do is live it, do my best to affect its outcome in a positive manner, and go on one day at a time. From this life I feel compelled to share with others so many of the lessons that I have learned. In sharing I have discovered an amazing therapeutic side effect that enables me to catch my breath in the middle of what many times feels as a storm of emotions and consequences. I also write because in doing so I re-teach myself the lessons that I need to know and use in order to not only survive, but also to be a good friend, partner, ex-husband, and more importantly, father.

You need to know as you read my posts that even though sometimes the words might sound sad and even lonely, I am in every sense of the word not a sad or lonely individual. On the contrary, I am surrounded by beautiful people that love me, and I love them very much too. Most of the time you will find that I am very optimistic, full of hope, and I will smile my way into your life regardless of my circumstances. To me loneliness is a just a byproduct of my efforts and struggles of raising two teenage boys that are not always wired like the rest. These challenges that I face with their mental and emotional health and behavior are many times all consuming and far from easy to deal with on a daily basis. However, what parent has not felt this way too? I want so badly for my children to be happy, centered, and grow up to be good men that at times I lose myself in my efforts to be an effective parent and contribute to their well being. Just as everyone else that I have shared with and learned about their struggles with their children, I too am a card carrying member of this nameless and unrewarded club of individuals. I strongly suggest that if after reading a post you find yourself relating to the subject matter, take a few minutes to leave a comment so that all the other readers are able to learn from you too. In fact, your words mean a great deal to me since they typically shed light on situations that I am struggling with and am not even sure how to solve.

Finally, don't be surprised to find yourself included in my posts. I would not dare say your name, or compromise anything you have personally shared with me. However, if your presence, words, or actions have touched me, taught me, or made an impact in my life, chances are that you will one way or another be included sooner or later. After all, none of us were raised in a bubble exempt from the influence of others. As I have said before, I will say it again, I am a lucky man because of all of you!

Dad