Survive!

In an effort to support my migraine avoidance, every morning as I walk into my office I turn on my desktop computer, grab my USS Carl Vinson 16 ounce coffee mug and head upstairs to the second floor break area to make myself a 2 single serve tubs of Nestle's Coffee-Mate Creamy Chocolate, 2 tablespoons of the Original Non-Dairy Powder Creamer, 3 single packets of Splenda, and approximately 14 ounces of Yuban coffee. As you can tell it really is not about the coffee, it is more like I am having coffee with my chocolate, creamer, and Splenda! I could just go and pour myself some coffee from the downstairs break room which is just a few feet away from my office, but for some reason their coffee does not taste as good and I am not sure why. It could be because of the coffee machine, or maybe it's because I've come to enjoy the few minutes of pleasant conversation with the folks upstairs every day. By the time I'm back at my desk with mug in hand my computer is usually just about finished doing it's hamster in a wheel routine and ready for me to access the electronic part of my daily routine. It never takes me more than ten minutes to get my caffeine fix, yet in that short amount of time I somehow always learn something new from someone in the break room. I wonder why it's so simple to gain knowledge in such a short amount of time from these folks, yet I could spend the entire day at home with my oldest son and not be able to make first contact no matter what I try. I am not clueless to the reasons, just frustrated as hell.

As I drove back home from work yesterday I called my sister in Plano Texas and we shared a bit of our day. It is always nice to catch up with her since she almost always has some very good advice and I love the fact that we communicate so well. Typically by the time I am pulling into my driveway we both know that our conversation is not even close to being over, but the fact that I arrived home means that in less than 30 seconds I will be all consumed with what might be going on inside my residence, plus hungry teenagers will be tackling me with the "what's for dinner" query, so we always say goodbye before I exit my vehicle. It does not matter how many times I have asked my oldest son not to bring friends into the house when I am not home, the request is taken more as a nag than a rule. So I walk in and at least 6 to 10 teenagers are typically roaming around with guitars, ukulele, video games, and the most common factor, food. Did I mention that only one of those 6 to 10 kids is mine? My youngest son is always locked up in his own room multitasking. All at once he is typically doing homework, playing a game, watching TV, and patiently waiting for me to come home to either feed him or take him somewhere to buy something. It kind of blows my mind that he does so well in school, so this is why I don't intervene on his methods, since it is rare when he messes up. Even if he does mess up, he then feels so guilt ridden that his auto fix mode kicks in and he does everything possible to correct what went wrong.

So back to 6 to 10 children roaming in my home. It is common for me to arrive and find my sink full with every single dinner plate and eating utensil that I have revealing what has been consumed by these hungry critters. The first thought that crosses my mind is "What, do these kids not get fed in their own homes?" We used to joke around with my oldest sister when I lived in Puerto Rico and called her "Salvation Army." The nickname was earned because she was always saving someone from something. Not a week would go by without her re-arranging her schedule to take someone somewhere as a favor. Yes, I think I need to rename myself to the "Teenage Salvation Army Dad" or "TSAD." There is even a sleeping bag from what I later found out to be a runaway teenager that took shelter in my backyard one night while I was on travel. I can only imagine how terrified his parents were the night he did not come home. I know I would of not been able to get one wink of sleep if it had been my child. Just two weeks ago I woke up a Saturday morning to find five teenagers playing cards in one of my backyard umbrella tables next to the pool. It was at least 40 degrees outside, yet they somehow all but one had managed to stay up all night. Two of the players were wearing jackets, two were bundled up in blankets, and the fifth one was snug as a bug inside the sleeping bag sound asleep on the concrete floor.

As I typically do, yesterday as soon as I arrived I did my rounds inspecting the entire house including the outside perimeter. Three boys including my oldest son in his room typing lyrics of a new song they had written into the computer so that they could later print it out and all sing to the correct words. One young lady, the girlfriend of one of the singers, in the family room reading a book. Two other boys in the backyard "chillaxing" under the umbrella table that has been covered with drawings, poems, comments, and all sorts of memories of their hangout days. Again, both side of the sink full with dishes, a shovel handle that I had recently accidentally broken floating in my pool, a cat toy under water in the pool, three empty cans of Dr. Pepper, a patio chair moved deep inside the garden area, the Tiki statue toppled, and the unsatisfactory smell of urine in one of the outside bushes. Everything but the urine smell was typical and unfortunately for me not the first time. After hosing down the area to clear up the gross stench I went in the home and made sure every single one of them heard me complain and request to please not pee in my yard! I also found a puddle of water in the bathroom from my son taking a shower and leaving the curtain hanging on the outside instead of inside of the tub.

A few minutes later I was out the door with my youngest son to go buy him something to eat and gas up my car. On my way to the gas station the young lad earned his meal by patiently listening to me vent about how tired I am of being the freaking maid, janitor, and cook. He's a good sport and never contradicts me making me feel like I must of done something right while parenting him. The drive allowed me to catch my breath and find a bit of peace before heading back home to deal with the teenage jungle that awaited me. In the past my neurosis typically kicks in and I find it very hard to control myself escalating the tension between me and my oldest son to levels that are dangerously unhealthy. Yesterday, as I drove out of the home with my youngest son and vented a little, I could feel my chest compress and a bit of pain from the tension and stress the whole situation was causing me. Maybe I should of once again laid down the law and put down my foot to try to curtail so much of the inconsiderate behavior that my son invites into my life. However, between being tired from a long day of work, the recent long hours of digging a 70 foot trench on the side of my house, the not so fun to feel pain in my chest, and finally the fact that my ex-wife was heading the next day for a well deserved vacation to Puerto Rico and I did not want to complicate her exit...I just hosed the pee, washed the dishes, threw out the trash, mopped the floor, fed the kids, did some laundry, paid some bills, and then simply collapsed in bed under the effects of an exhausting day.

A day might come when being a TSAD might be remembered as something funny in my life. Currently it is just a sad realization that I face one day at a time. I know that I need to be stronger, stricter, and most definitely less of a pushover, but when I was all of those things it honestly did not make a positive difference. I've said it before and I'll say it again, I just keep picking my battles and praying that sooner or later God will have mercy on my white hairs and give me some peace. It is a miracle that any parent can actually survive all of this crazy part of raising their children. As much as I adore my children I so many times wish I could switch them off so I can get some rest. Today as I drive back from work and go home, I plan on buying a Mega Millions Lottery ticket. The jackpot is up to $144 million. That my dear friends is a huge amount of money. I am pretty sure that with even one tenth of that amount I could retire and build a facility where I could hire professionals to teach teenagers and parents how to survive each other in a positive environment. The key word is "survive."

Dad