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It is extremely interesting to me how clear my life became the moment I decided to stop making it complicated. As a teenager and later on as a young adult, I found myself so many times in the middle of self-inflicted dilemmas that literally consumed too much of my time and effort in order to get through them all. It is almost as if I was constantly conspiring against myself to sabotage any chances of living a happy life. One day after another I would complicate personal, school, work, and relationship situations until the entire pile of daily events would collapse on top of me, leaving me with no other alternative than to seek an escape route to avoid the wrath of my failings. There is something very unusual about the human mind which apparently contains a sort of switch that when flipped by either ourselves seeking to have a certain degree of normalcy in our lives, or by the effects and consequences of our actions, we then are able to adequately process and understand what is needed on our end to be OK.

I clearly remember moments in my life in which I realized that my actions had led me in an auto destructive path. I also remember either taking the wrong action to fix the problems at hand, or not taking any action at all and allowing things to fall apart around me instead. I raise this issue today in order to share a bit of research I have conducted on my own for some time now with respect to our ability to change what to most mature eyes seems as reckless behavior. Since I am able to recall my reckless moments, I am under a safe assumption that most other people can too. So in order to gain insight into what are the things that make us change our out of control childish behavior, I have made it a habit of asking those that are willing to share with me information about that particular phase of their lives, what or who influenced them to change?

In the spectrum of answers to the above questions a significant number of people have answered "God." A much younger than me, yet already very mature friend of mine once said "it was not until I realized that everything that I was doing was offensive to God, that I then became able to control my actions in fear of God being displeased with me." He revealed to me that even though he had lived in a household in which religion was a very strong influence during his childhood, it was not until much later in his life that he embraced his religion in order to be a much happier individual. I myself was raised Catholic and guilt, fear, and remorse was always planted in my mind, yet even though it helped me not go to extremes in my behavior, it never did really stop me from hurting others in exchange for my own gratification at a younger age. Today, as an adult I am fortunate to have a belief system that allows me to sometimes make mistakes and still find ways to make up for them.

Another typical answer to the question of what or who influenced significant change in an individuals behavior is "love." Finding someone that was willing to share their lives and be a positive influence is a very common reason for change. Again, just as some fear that offending God will bring scary consequences to their lives, the same way others fear that their behavior will cause them to lose their main source of love. It is interesting though how many times it is not until an individual has lost this source of love, that then they finally realize how destructive their behavior was in the first place. Which brings me to the most common answer, "it was not until I hit bottom that I realized that I needed to change," comes flowing out of many people's lips in the most honest and personal confession I typically hear. Losing what is precious to us, hurting someone else beyond repair, being emotionally drained from our wild child behavior, all are associated to finding ourselves at the bottom of our personal well. This last answer no longer carries the "fear" factor as the main influence for change since the consequence of our actions has already taken their toll and made their mark in our lives by then. Instead, hitting bottom serves more as a reset button we can mentally press on our own in order to take responsibility for our actions and try to start living our lives all over again.

As a father of two teenage boys I am constantly trying to influence my children to make the right choices in life in order for them to be happy individuals. I know as an adult that bad choices mean bad consequences, so I keep trying to help them navigate through their lives while avoiding a minefield of scary actions. Sometimes I succeed, but many more times I fail regardless of my good intentions. It is obvious to me that my lack of effectiveness has much less to do with my methods than it does with their personalities. One child listens, while the other appears not to listen at all. I know that he hears me, but in his mind it really does not matter what I say since he feels entitled to make his own decisions and mistakes. The truth is, he is right. Unfortunately for me this means having to witness the "hitting bottom" process unfold right before my very own eyes and feel totally powerless to do anything about it. If only I knew where his reset button resides in his mind in order for me to press it and be able to avoid the painful scenario play itself out on its own. Unfortunately, as far as I am able to tell, nobody but him can press that button anyway. One individual after another has told me the same answer to the "hitting bottom" scenario, only they were able to press reset and start all over in their lives.

Here I sit pondering if there is a girl out there that might have the ability to influence my oldest son's emotional state enough for him to fear losing her and want to change. To date, the effect has been backwards since it is he that has influenced them instead. Not a day goes by that I don't pray to God that He somehow touch my son's heart in a way that will fill him with enough love that he might also fear the consequences of his actions. I am not foolish enough to think that God's influence is in any way in my hands. Instead I pray knowing that I am heard and He is already interceding. However, as much as I try to leave it all in His hands, my breath finds it hard to follow a normal rhythm while my eyes swell and my throat struggles to contain the pain I feel in my chest when I consider all of the possible outcomes to the current scenario. At nights I fall asleep only because my lack of physical endurance manages to take over my state of anxiety allowing me to collapse in exhaustion. I know that mature wise my son is still too young and foolish, even though intellectually he seems too smart for his own good. Again I pray, this time that today be the day of his awakening. In the meantime I am constantly running out of gas and having to recharge myself from my family, my friends, and those that have proven to love me regardless of my own circumstances. Thank you all for being here for me, without you I'd be on empty by now.

Dad