"Could you buy me The Book of Death?"

His eagerness to learn how to read began at the young age of three. By the time his brother was born he had already discovered computer and video games, many of which had screen messages that needed to be read in order to know how to proceed in the game. The thirst for reading did not originate with the intent of acquiring literal enlightenment, instead it was as for any other typical child just to have fun. As I mentioned a while back, already knowing how smart the child was because of all the little clues that he had placed in our parenting path, I was not at all excited about teaching him how to read any time sooner than it was necessary. All the parenting books I had acquired and read to help improve my inexperienced parenting skills made reference to how smarter than average children typically got bored in school and eventually had behavioral problems in the classroom environment. I figured that if in fact he did have above average intelligence, not learning how to read before he got to grade school would not hurt him in any way. Also, even if he did not have any kind of mental advantage, when the time would come to learn how to read I would simply pour myself into the effort equation and help out on my end too. The eventual result was that on his first chance to learn how to read, he did so quickly enough that by the time he was in first grade he had already read the first two Harry Potter books and was well on his way to reading everything that he was interested in without delay. My son devoured book after book with a passion that can best be compared to an addict quenching his thirst for his favorite drug. His addiction or compulsion to reading has served him well throughout the years, filling in many of his time that would otherwise probably be consumed with other vices. Needless to say, now at almost the age of 18 he has taken in so much information from this wonderful habit that it is extremely delightful to compare notes with him on a great variety of subjects.

I wonder if my son realizes how much he has really learned from this obsession to satisfy curiosity via the written word? Has all of this knowledge opened his mind beyond the vulnerable influence of subjects that could actually harm him? I for one have been concerned many times because of his request to buy books that in my ignorant opinion seem to contain dark subject matter on their titles. Like any reasonable parent I find it hard to endorse reading material that might plant harmful seeds in his mind. On the other hand, is he mature enough to know the difference because of his advanced mental process of what is good information and what you must learn to discard in order to stay centered in life? A while back I remember my ex-wife being extremely concerned with my son's choice of reading material when he requested to purchase "The Tibetan Book of Living and Dying" by Sogyal Rinpoche. To be fair, his original request was for us to purchase for him "The Book of Death" which truly sounded a lot worse than its real title. Because of his persistent and relentless personality she eventually purchased the book for him with a few others. Just like any of the other material that he finds interesting, he consumed the ink on paper in just hours after he had them in his possession.

Many years back when I was in high school I remember discovering that my maternal grandfather also loved reading to an almost compulsive extent. As I had been assigned to read "Uncle Tom's Cabin" by Harriet Beecher Stowe, for my U.S. History class, I remember being totally fascinated with my grandfather's insight to the novel when I casually mentioned that I had read it. Even though he had read the book years back, he still remembered in amazing details most of its content. As we shared passages of the story a brilliant mind was revealed to me from someone that until then I had just assumed spent his time farming. Afterwards, my mother then told me that he loved to read so much that her father actually read anything that crossed his path in the form of a book. I never saw my grandfather again with the same eyes that I had done so for so many years. In fact, from then on, every time I read any of the classic novels I always made a point of having a conversation with my grandfather on the subject to learn much more than what I could from simply reading the book. He was full of insight and stories that went way back in time from his own personal life experiences and many other books he had read.

My mom was a teacher for over 45 years. She too has always had a strong drive in the reading department of her life. For years we have shared our opinions and learned from each other every time we discover that we have read the same book. This morning as I was driving to work and talking to her she happened to mention that she had picked up a book that my oldest sister had been reading and left on the nightstand. When I asked her the title of the book, she quickly revealed that she was currently reading "The Tibetan Book of Living and Dying." The title immediately rang familiar in my head because of having seen it sitting on the corner table in my living room where my oldest son has left at least ten other books that he's read in the past month or so. One of the best parts about asking my mom details about anything she has read, is the level of detail that she brings to the table during the conversation. I always learn something incredibly insightful about the author and also the purpose of the book in itself. This morning was no different. When I told her that my son had also read it, we both spent some time speculating what he might of learned in doing so. Personally, me knowing so many of the titles of the books that he has read, I can safely say that he probably got much more enlightenment out of this book than I ever would of myself.

I wish there was some kind of meter I could use to plug into my children and be able to asses their level of maturity. It would be extremely useful to know this information in order to filter my expectations. Using my own experiences and looking back in time to when I was their age can only get me so far since things have changed so much between our generations. Some things seem pretty much the same, like hormones and some of their social interactions. On the other hand, interests have grown with so many new options that were not available when I was a younger individual. The choices of what to do with your free time as a now days teenager are much more extensive than they used to be in the past. Amazingly though, it always blows my mind when I hear them utter out the words "I'm bored." Hundreds of TV channels, the availability of so many choices of music, games, and social networks on the Internet, too many radio stations to pick from, DVDs, and so much more are just mind boggling! The simple consensus in my mind is that as a parent I will probably never be able to accurately measure where they are at in maturity without them somehow giving me more clues. So my job as a father becomes much more of a monitor than a meter, finding different ways to interact with my kids in order to try to be a good parent.

In my search for information with respect to clues on how to detect my children's maturity level, I have found very little help. Article after article are being published on how to detect and recognize the clues of your child heading on an erroneous path. Clues about discovering if they are being bullied, whether their friends are good or bad influences, on if they are on their way to experiment with smoking, drinking, and drugs. I am not declaring these to be bad articles, but to me they are simply useless since I never had a problem recognizing the clues that these things were coming my way. What I need as a parent of a pretty typical teenager is advice on how to interact with him in order to make a significant impact and guide him out of trouble when he inevitably decides to walk right into it regardless of what I think, know, or wish he would do instead. In other words, don't tell me what is wrong, please tell me how to fix it or at a minimum how to be a positive influence to help him fix it himself! I could easily spend hours on end describing to you all of the signs of a brilliant child that is headed for trouble, but to what purpose would the revelation of these signs serve? Instead, I hope you realize that I have always tried to give you examples and answers that have worked for me. Today, even though subtle, the lesson was about not prejudging a child's request to read subject matter of which you know absolutely nothing about. Also, if you take a bit of time to delve in their own interests, you might discover that they find it much easier to share with you their interests once they realize that you too are akin to it as my grandfather was and my mother is to reading.

Find the strength of your child and take the time to understand it. Read some of what they read, listen to some of what they listen, and watch some of what they watch regardless of your own taste and personal choices. If I could give you an advice that I think has truly worked for me and seems to be the most crucial quality that constantly improves my relationship with my two sons, it would be for you to take the time to listen. Not just listen to their words, also listen to their actions. Their words could be telling you "get out of my room", yet their actions could be saying "please help me!" Taking care of your kids might seem like it is mostly about feeding and clothing them, yet the truth is that more importantly taking care of them is truly about keeping them healthy physically, mentally, and emotionally. If you find yourself neglecting any of these jobs, sooner or later you will end regretting not having done so right in the first place. Something very important to remember is that nobody expects you to be perfect and not make mistakes, but as a parent, learning from your mistakes is critical. However, the most important thing to realize is that no matter what anyone ever tells you, it is NEVER too late to start being a better parent. No matter how seriously in trouble you might think that your child has gotten himself or herself into, there is always time to mend, fix, and mostly heal. Just look at yourself in the mirror and I bet you can easily see how much you have grown even as an adult, so how could anyone in their teenage years be beyond repair? If your situation seems desperate, in fact that is probably a very good sign that you are already a good parent. It takes a good parent to realize that things are getting rough. Just don't give up, better times are just around the corner!

Dad