Without prejudice I can safely say that any extreme in parental challenge disclosure is probably not that great. If I always wear my problems on my sleeve and spend all of my time complaining, whining, and pouring my heart out with respect to my parenting challenges, after a while most of my friends will probably stir clear from me because in essence I would be a terrible influence and downer to hang around. On the other hand, if I always paint a rosy picture about my kids and represent them as perfect little angels, sooner or later those around me will get sick of my obvious bragging and seemingly Utopian life. Both extremes are probably counterproductive and of little help in the long run. However, there can and should be a balance to this touchy subject. Maybe not just a balance, but a set of rules or guidelines parents should follow to ensure they are able to get help, but at the same time stir away from negative results.
First, I believe as I do with most situations in life that the audience must be taken into account. Of course if I did not believe in the power of sharing with strangers, I would most definitely not be posting here online. Those of you who know me and are reading, you need to know that you are few and have been selected because of my belief that in some way your contributions via comments, kind words, and prayers mean a great deal to me and have been very helpful. The rest, being anonymous is a powerful way to hear other's opinions without prejudice and in many ways extremely enlightening. I also know that when I have asked for your positive thoughts and prayers, regardless of whether you know me or not, I have been blessed. The few friends and family members with which I share my parenting experiences in person have all learned to listen without prejudice and given me much of the strength needed to continue my quest of being a better father.
Second, and probably more importantly, how we say things matter. It is one thing to describe the situation in which you are involved with hopes of learning better ways to deal with what has proven to be a challenge. It is an entirely different thing to be putting down your children, or being a collector of negativity. I have learned to never tell my child that he is a terrible individual for his actions, much less that he will not amount to anything in life. If I did this, just as Joel Osteen writes in his book titled "It's Your Time," telling a child those words is like inviting them to "live down to your expectations." Nothing could be more accurate than those words of wisdom! In fact, I truly believe that my son is blessed, full of beautiful qualities, and destined to be a great man...he just does not know it yet. Thank you Joel Osteen for that amazingly useful lesson.
To those of you that are not religious, bare with the following advice that I encourage full hearted to all. Today, as you finish reading this post I encourage you to say the same thing about your own children regardless of your situation. Don't just think about it, say it out loud. Hear your lips reveal to your mind and heart the reality that is about to happen in the blink of an eye when God witnesses the secret desires of your soul. Profess that your entire family is blessed with mental, emotional, and physical health so that the angels take this news upstairs and and reveal to God your expectancy of His blessings. Say it like you mean it, like it has already happened regardless of your circumstances. I would not be sharing this with you if I did not believe it all to be true and worth doing.
Here is my family prayer...
"God, I believe that You have blessed my family with everything we need to please You. All the challenges that we have gone through are nothing compared to the blessings that You have in store for us today. We are blessed physically, mentally, and emotionally with health, wisdom, and love. I expect nothing less from You dear God, knowing that You are almighty."
Dad
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