Just yesterday I was invited over to a family and friends gathering to celebrate a teenagers birthday party. Even though I am a very social individual that truly likes fun conversation, throughout the years I have little by little become a bit less inclined to attend these gatherings for some personal reasons that might become obvious during this post. Not to be a party pooper and with no good excuse to get me out of the invite, the wheels of social interaction where in motion and I followed through and went. To my pleasant surprise, even though I knew very few of the attendees, I found myself extremely comfortable in a very short amount of time. The host was gracious and easy going, so was her husband, friends, and other family members that one by one trickled in to introduce themselves and grab a new beer. After just a little while I was already feeling like part of the crowd and having a nice time.
The host, as well as several other of the guests where teachers. These are people I can easily relate to since my mom worked in the same field for over 45 years. It did not take very long when the conversation turned into the subject of teenagers and their habits and behaviour. One by one each of the guest brought stories of themselves during their childhood, and how they either got better or worse throughout those early years of life. How their parents dealt with chores, school, good and not so good habits, and discipline. I always learn something when I take the time to listen to others share their colorful stories of dad's yanking phones off the wall, windows being nailed shut and sometimes even sealed plastered over. At this point of our personal exchanges I found it easy to add little bits of my own experiences as a child in order to stay focused with the moments theme.
Of course eventually the conversation geared itself away from the self assessments on to that of their own children. Again, one by one of the guests brought up stories describing how they dealt with a variety of different scenarios in which their kids would not stay true to their personal philosophy of life. Subjects such as how they played good cop bad cop among the parents when the time came to give in to some teenage request, penalties for not following rules, and a lot more about the different ways they had found be able to achieve success in keeping their kids in line. I listened attentively, not only with my eyes and ears wide open to all of the wisdom that was being shared, but also with my mind in case a drop would spill over into my thirsty cup of knowledge. It is here, at this juncture during these types of events in which I find myself in pure and simple amazement that some people actually have normal lives. It is also here, at this point of the personal exchanges that I find myself lost in my mind with so little to offer based on my own day to day experiences with my oldest son. Of course, I could just pretend that he does not exist and share the fifty percent of normalcy that I have with my other child, but if I do that, I then feel like I am cheating by not telling all of the truth. Instead I stay silent and within myself, hoping that the subject will change soon enough to some other theme in which I am able to not feel so uncomfortable about. This is one of the primary reasons I don't always accept the cordial invitation to the fun filled family picnics.
Some of you need to hear this that I am about to share with you. Not because there is anything wrong with your lives, but because you need to know how blessed you are when your life is normal. Some times I feel that my life is so far from normal that by you just looking at me you should be able to tell. Then I realize what a silly feeling that is in itself. How could you know by looking at me what my life has become? It is ignorant of me to expect you to see, feel, or maybe even understand this day to day struggle that I deal with on a daily basis. They say that the eyes are the window to someones soul. If that is true, can you look into my eyes and see the sadness that devours my heart because of the knowledge that I have of so much that is wrong with my child? I don't think so.
I can understand how difficult it would be to sometimes even be sympathetic to some of us parents that have this burden of dealing with kids with problems. At first glance it even seems obvious to me that discipline or the lack of it is the reason for so much drama. Yet, just like I am not able to instantly transform myself into you and understand so much of your pain, I can see how difficult it would be for anyone to walk in my own shoes either. Tell me, how many times have you found yourself having to dig extremely deep into your heart and mind in order to find the right words to say to someone when they lose their son, daughter, mother, or father? In fact, my father died at age 44, three years younger than my present age. At the time of his death the most beautiful gesture that my friends had to offer were not their words, it was their companionship and love. Even then, one of my best friends had not so long ago lost his own mother, and yet again, even though he had experienced so much sadness in his own life, he also knew that there were no words that could make me feel better.
I've always wondered why it is that some people aim so high in life. Don't get me wrong, given the opportunity to become rich and famous, I doubt that I would push the offer away. They say money can't buy everything, but it sure does buy a hell of a lot. What I meant about aiming high is not with respect to their goals. Instead, I meant aiming high in life in search for happiness. I hear it all the time, the songs of souls seeking happiness by awaiting extraordinary events to happen in their lives. I for one am in no need of any extraordinary event to announce itself in my life. Believe me, it is not a matter of being complacent, not at all. It is a matter or knowing how precious having a normal life would be for me. I don't need amazing, extraordinary, fantastic, or even wondrous in my life. What I need is good, sane, and normal.
So whenever you find yourself hopping on the bucket in the well of your soul and falling deep inside in search of the right thing to say to me after you have read this blog. Don't worry, the truth is that by just reading it, sharing my story, and being here for me, that is truly good enough. However, if while you are down there you find the lucky coin you tossed a very long time ago, do me one small favor. This time toss it for me. Close your beautiful eyes and make a soft wish that my life will soon find itself back to being a lot closer to normal.
Dad
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