A skunk is eating the cat food in our backyard...(Part 4 of 4)

(Continued from the previous post...)

The following is the conclusion of a four page essay written by my oldest son just a few nights ago. I am sharing it with my readers since it is a rare opportunity to look into his thought process and abilities. If you want to make any sense whatsoever of the main idea behind this essay, it would be a really good idea to start reading it from the post that is identified as Part 1 of 4, before continuing to read below. Otherwise it might not make much sense. Enjoy and please feel free to send me any comments.

The Supercomputer and the Equation of the Universe
(page 4)

The journey to complete knowledge and understanding is so complex it's not even conceivable as to what the full picture might be. The only two possibilities to the great answer that is the variable that dictates everything logically and mathematically are both considered incredibly improbable for their own unique reasons, but any other explanation is impossible. The first is that all knowledge/understanding must end in an illogical singularity, a mathematical black hole of sorts; a point in which all logical reason must break down to find itself at a single point. It's a concept that is mathematically fundamentally impossible, yet has show itself to be proven in the physical universe in the structure of real black holes. The second is the complete opposite, that all knowledge/understanding must spiral outwards into entropic infinity. This has a mathematically sound basis, in that in theory numbers can go on forever because they are merely concepts which we base reality on, but in practice it is determined impossible, as according to the second law of thermodynamics, all things must end in entropy until they come to a stop and cease to exist. The only instance in which infinity is feasibly possible is with the value of Pi, but its uncertain if this is just a mathematical anomaly and if it can even apply in the observable universe, since according to observation everything has an end point.

Physics and mathematics, knowledge and understanding, are working against each other when it comes to answering the final question. There is always the possibility that the question is in fact the answer, and that singularity and infinity are they themselves intertwined in their own yin yang system, the explanation being that the singularity is infinite and infinity can only exist in a singularity. If that's the case there can be no concrete answer, and the Universe is indeed just a never ending math equation. In this way the Universe can fuel itself as its own self sustaining system, as well as the supercomputer of the brain, constantly answering the questions to never find the final answer, as with it there would be no more drive or reason to question and the purpose of consciousness and existence would disappear and therefore never have been able to exist in the first place. But even this theory contradicts itself in the question being the answer to itself, thus the answer being found and the brain having no reason to continue searching. If this is the case maybe we just don't have the knowledge or understanding yet to completely conceive of it any more than as abstract concepts, our own security system at work even at the highest levels of consciousness, just trying to keep us sane.

Where does one even go from here? Part of me never wants to figure it out, the hunt is always more satisfying than the catch, no matter how satisfying the catch may seem during the hunt. And yet the craving is still there, and will probably always be there, and isn't that just another form of insanity? I guess the balance will keep teetering on the brink of sanity and insanity until death and closure. The only temporary solution is to drink until you forget, its about time to crash anyway.

Alright, this concludes the final page of his essay. I understand if you might of given up in reading after the first page since much of his thought process is based on a compilation of the ideas set forth by a group of authors that have a very compelling yet complicated way of seeing the world. A while back, when we were having some arguments based on a significant difference in opinion, all I could hear from his end were what seemed to me as a mad person's ramblings. I even resurrected a small digital voice recorder to try to catch some of our conversation on a media that would allow me to later listen to it calmly and see if I could make sense of his point of view. The original argument never came back to life, so I did not find another opportunity to review his ideas. I have read his essay several times now and in fact he has managed to extract from his readings the fundamental message that I was having such a hard time understanding during our original conversations. I admit that in the end his arguments, although extremely complicated and very hard to follow, finally have enough coherence when put on paper for my much less versed mind to understand. Interestingly, I could probably now write a much less complex essay describing his point of view but I fear it would not serve much of a purpose, since the real point of this exercise in sharing with you was to allow you some access to his way of thinking.

I hope that sharing this essay might of shed some light on some of my previous comments describing how my son converts his obsessions and compulsions into very complex forms of mental processes. The images that he creates, pictures that he takes, music that he composes, and the written words of his thoughts are some of the many examples of why it is that I am convinced that I cannot give up on this wondrous child. I truly believe that inside of his inabilities are a collection of abilities that are begging to be rescued, or at the least brought to bare fruit. Anyway, this is after all part of my job as his father, to patiently find a way to understand his unique perspective and help him steer his life in a productive direction.

I concede that as intellectual as this essay may sound, its true value is not in assessing his choice of words, or the subject matter in itself. What seems to be worth getting from it all is his desire to find enlightenment and knowledge from the authors that have planted their ideas in his mind through their own written word. He is searching for something that is bigger than what he has found through simple life experiences. The danger is not in the access of this knowledge, it is in fact through the methods that seem to be required to gain the knowledge in itself. Psychoactive chemicals, hallucinogenic and psychedelic substances are the vehicles which scientists have utilized in the past to trigger the desired mental state to conduct research on this subject. I for one am horrified with the prospect of my son going down that road and maybe never coming back. As his father I have a vested interest in his state of well being that goes far beyond just caring, it reaches deep into my sense of love and responsibility. When he hurts, I hurt. When he gets lost, I feel his fear and am strongly compelled to clear out a path that he can easily recognize to come back to where he feels loved and secure again. However, how truly healthy is it for me to rescue him every time he slides into the dark side? If he knows that dad is always there to save him, what is his motivation to stop taking higher risks each time? There is a very fine line between helping and enabling. If I draw the line in the sand at a unreasonable place, nothing of value comes out of my efforts. If I make it too easy I become an enabler and contributor to his wrong choices in life.

Parenting is much more difficult than it is made out to be in the literature that has been written on the subject matter. Authors are compelled to give generalized advice and recommendations in what seems as an effort to bring in a larger audience to their concert. They try to write their music of advice with a full symphonic orchestra in the background, when in fact most of us only need the string section. In order to find anything of value I find myself having to not only squeeze out of their books the bits and pieces that are of value to me, but also carefully filter anything that could actually worsen my particular situation. In all honesty, I have found better advice, recommendations, and tactics from friends and family members than from all the books I have read. Some of the so called experts are actually going by what they themselves learned from the books that they've read, and very few times from hands on experience. I doubt it very much that anyone could go as deep as it is truly required to help my son as I am willing to go as his father. These are after all, the real reasons that I began writing this blog. I wanted to share my experiences with others that might indeed want or need to hear them in order to help me or help themselves.

Thank you for reading,

Dad