Sometimes it just does not grow back!

I want to start this post by thanking all of you for reading, sharing, and caring enough to help make a difference in my search for answers while I try to be a good father for my two teenage sons. Parenting is much more than making rules and figuring out what consequences are to be enforced if they are broken. A great deal of patience, understanding, and most of all love is required on the side of the adult in order to be able to reach into the heart and mind of a teenager. There have been over 1,800 visits to this blog since I started writing a bit over two months ago, which in my mind is amazing since I started by sending the link to just a handful of family members and friends. From the messages and comments you have sent me I have felt you laugh, contemplate, and sometimes even cry with me during this short amount of time that we have been sharing together. Not a single one of your words of encouragement or advice has gone to waste, much less your prayers and positive thoughts. Again, thank you from the bottom of my heart for your emotional generosity and all of your wisdom.

As you have probably been able to tell, the last few weeks have actually been calm on the home front. My youngest son keeps doing what he has always done so well by teaching me that I must not be that bad of a father since his life seems to be moving forward with the typical flow that accompanies a normal and well adjusted child raised in a loving and caring environment. As I have said in the past, it is he who serves as a gauge in my life as to my true parental abilities. Life is never perfect, but at least it is manageable in a very positive way. My oldest son has been apparently sober from any chemicals and mind altering drugs during these past few weeks, allowing us all some very much needed peace in our lives. He has taken some of this time to read books, write essays, compose and play music, and interact with us and his friends too. Every once in a while he comes up to me with some ridiculous request for me to allow him to buy strange chemicals for what he describes as "experimenting." Of course I would be crazy to oblige, so I simply tell him that if I find him with any of that stuff he will find himself out of my home. I am not sure if his request is just a test of my ability to control myself from wanting to kick his ass for saying something stupid, or part of his mental process needed to stop or start doing chemicals again. I cannot fight with him for everything he says that is out of place, wrong, or plain stupid, this would only make things so much worse. I'll save my moments of stringent discipline to when I know that I cannot afford to ignore him.

I really needed a break from the ever continuous escalation of stress that I seem to live in because of my particular circumstances. The fact that today and the last 20 days have been on a scale of 1 to 10 a mere 3 or 4 is only a reminder that God apparently knows when to let me stick my head above water to catch my breath. We have some significant challenges heading our way, including juvenile court, the completion of a teenage substance abuse prevention program, and even 80 hours of community service. At least we got past him taking the California High School Proficiency Test, which in the next few weeks will reveal how well or not so well he did a couple of weeks ago. I have purposely avoided writing about some of the things I just mentioned, with the intent of keeping an open mind on my part and not bringing any bad karma to our situation. Like they say, hope for the best, prepare for the worst.

Just today he told me that he had written another essay that makes the previous one obsolete. I am truly not sure what that means. I asked if I could read it, but he said that he rather I did not because he fears that I am not going to like it. I told him that I did not have to like it for him to share it with me, and if he rather I make no comments, I would honor his request. Trust me when I tell you that some promises are very hard to keep. He said he would show it to me sometime later. I'll have to exercise a bit more of that short supply patience of mine. One thing is for sure, if he told me about it, then I believe that he eventually wants to share it with me, and that is actually a good sign with respect to our lines of communication.

I believe that there is nothing written in stone inside the minds of our children. No matter how decided they might seem, or how sure of themselves and their opinion with respect to a particular subject, we as parents have the upper hand by the nature of our maturity and experience. In their minds it might seem like they have come to a very conclusive decision, yet all it takes is for us to discretely plant a tiny seed of doubt, a slightly better option, and soon enough if you let them brew over it, many times they come back with a completely new perspective and singing a bit of a different tune. Amazingly, most of the time, since they had to go through the thought process on their own, in their minds it was their idea in the first place. I find this hilarious, but very real and effective. Next time your child insists on doing something really dumb, instead of telling them that it is a dumb idea and nagging them to death, give their idea a small twist by telling them some story of how you know of somebody that proceeded in the same way that they seem totally intended to go, and finish the story with a not so wonderful ending. Don't threaten, don't nag, don't even talk about it for more than three minutes in all. Then allow them to process this information and watch as the hamster starts running around in the little wheel inside their heads for a bit of time. You will be amazed at how effective your subliminal and covert message finds its way to a much better outcome than confronting them with "your opinion." I promise you that even if the story that you tell them is not all based on real life, the reward of watching them take the right path on their own will clear your conscience of the little white lie.

"I once new a guy that thought it would be cool to shave his head because some of the other guys in the football team had done it. It was all well and dandy until he met a really cute girl that insinuated that he looked much better with hair on his head, but then when he tried to grow it back, a bald spot in the back of his head never grew back."

Hahahaha!!! See what I mean? What guy in his right mind wants to be bald at 17? This all might seem a bit deceptive, and I am here to tell you that indeed it is...deceptively smart! Again, you are all amazingly good to me, thank you for reading.

Dad