What does your mix taste like?

Nothing is perfect, but who said I was looking for perfection anyway? The past few days since my return from my trip to Japan have been kind to me with respect to my oldest son situation. Being sober is giving him the opportunity to come back closer to the center or normalcy and assess his recent behaviour. This peaceful time has also given me a chance to asses my own recent behaviour too. It is interesting that when life becomes full of stressful events, even the simplest things as taking time to do self evaluations becomes a completely undesirable task. I think that doing this self diagnosis is actually very important and should not be left as a New Year's Eve motif only. In fact, the older I get, the more often I find myself checking my notes and verifying that I am on track with what should be important in my life. What good does it do to go on a diet after you find out that you have very little time left to live? You might as well get on the bus as soon as you can so that the ride can be more fun knowing that there will be time in the end to enjoy the view.

On Monday my youngest boy will turn 14, and on Tuesday my oldest will be 17 years old. At 17 I was graduating from high school and starting my first year of college. In our home it was never about whether we were going to go to college, but instead, what college we would be attending. Not once did it ever cross my mind that I would not get a degree. I started my journey thinking I was going to become a doctor so I enrolled in Natural Sciences and threw myself into the higher education pool by taking 19 semester hours my first term, and 21 my second term. By the end of my second year I had completed everything that was necessary to have an Associates Degree in Science plus just about all the courses required to complete pre-med. However, that was the year my father died and in my mind I suddenly used his unexpected departure as an excuse to change my life course from the medical field to engineering. In hindsight it was a really bad choice for me, since I am more of a people person and loved every minute of the classes I had taken so far, and afterwards hated with the same intensity every minute of the engineering classes I got myself into because of my sudden switch. I was only 19 years old, and to be honest I now recognize how very immature I was at the time. Nevertheless I kept at it and eventually finished what I started in my new quest.

I have a serious confession that will not surprise those who already know me, but is only fare to share with those that might not. Almost every one of the decisions I made while I was a young lad had something to do with a pretty skirt. As much as my grade school nuns wanted me to become a priest, that was probably as much as I always liked girls. In my mind there was a less than zero percent chance that I would ever become a man of the cloth because I knew it in my heart how much I liked girls. To prove this point I give you this much: I graduated from high school a year early because the girlfriend I had at the time was one year older than me; I moved to college from Puerto Rico to Mississippi because the girl I was dating left a year earlier to study Psychology in Mississippi; I stayed in Mississippi an extra year after I finished my engineering bachelor's degree because the girl I was with at the time still had an extra year to finish her accounting degree...do you see a trend here? I am truly amazed that I ever got anything done in my life with all those hormones making all the important decisions in my life for me. Youth is a beautiful thing, and every time I think back at the process and the steps I took in my younger years, I see that I am truly shameless because in my mind I know it was all worth it. At age 21 I dated a 31 year old adorable lady and almost gave my mother a heart attack for doing so. Yet, other than whatever damage I might of caused because of my immature actions, I have absolutely no regrets because it was her that I have to thank for today being a lot of who I am. For this reason I have very little grounds to pass judgement on the young people of today's world. They not only have to grow up from their own experiences, they actually need them in order to fulfill their destinies.

Self assessment, a personal look at myself reflected by the mirror of my life. I have made so many mistakes, but as I have told you in previous posts, not one of them has gone by without leaving a permanent impression on my journey. To screw up and not ever have to account for it is just another way of saying that an individual never grew up. I promise you that I have had to account for every single one of my mistakes. One way or another I have learned my lessons. In fact, I am still learning from several of my misdeeds, and I am not ashamed to admit it because again, I have not wasted a single one of them. I have learned more from my mistakes than I would of ever learned from always doing things right or always being right...if there is such a thing. One thing that drives me up the wall is when dealing with someone that has the audacity to believe that every one of their opinions and actions is the only right choice. If you are reading this, it's time you take a much better look at yourself.

In this post, I would like to help you find an internal reason for you to spend a little time to do your own self assessment. It is not necessary for you to try to get a grip on your entire life all at once. In fact, I highly recommend that if this is a new concept for you that you start with the basics, the simplest question yet probably most important one you will ever face. Do you know what love is? Have you given yourself a chance to truly understand love? We all did it, we fell heads over heals over someone that we thought would be our true and only love in our lives. Are they still there or did life find a way to change this idea of what you thought was true love at the time? If you have children, can you compare the love that you give and are willing to commit to these creatures to the person that you first fell in love with? If you have never had children, but instead have dedicated your life to your mother, your father, your brothers, or sisters, can this grip that they have on your heart be compared to that of anyone else? Interesting, huh? A life without the experience of love is almost unimaginable and yet if you ask anyone on the street what love is, I guarantee you will have almost a different answer from every single individual. There is a reason for this, and you should know what it is in order for you to be able to start any true self assessment. How you have lived your life, what you have given, what you have taken, and what you are missing all combine together in the magnificent elixir called love. Only you, nobody else has that exact mix of given, taken, and missed experiences, therefor only you can recognize that unique flavor which each of us calls love. If you did not get this last statement, read it again, and again, until you understand it.

Find time in your busy life to once in a while recognize that nobody is as important as yourself. No matter how unselfish you have become, which I believe is a beautiful quality in itself, take a moment to assess your life experiences so that when loves is taking a stroll by your side you are then able to recognize it and make the most of it. Why do you think that this might be important? Would it not be simpler and maybe even healthier to just let life take it's course and not worry about these issues? Well, there are very few things I can tell you with certainty, and the following is the angel on the top of my tree. Sooner or later you will have a chance in your life to impart a bit of wisdom to that oh so troubled generation that is galloping right behind you. You know who I am talking about, those kids that are being raised with every single confusing visual aid available via media and more. I honestly believe that it would be wise that when that opportunity arrives to teach a younger person something of value about life and love, that you yourself have your ducks in a row and truly understand what is at stake. Every thing you tell these children is a seed you plant in their hearts and minds. If you think for one instant that they are not listening, you are wrong. It is now, more than ever before, that true wisdom, values, and enlightenment is necessary to be shared with our children. You might not have the means to fill their pockets with gold or silver, but there is no reason why you should not have the ability to fill their hearts with the meaning of true love.

Thanks for reading...today we reached 1,500 views of this blog. I am amazed at how much you care.

Dad