Fortune cookie says...

During my first two years of college I was still living at home in those days. Just like most teenage kids I found that living at home had it's advantages and disadvantages. On the positive side I was not required to pay rent, laundry was just a couple of doors from my room, and the refrigerator always had something in it to appease the munchies. On the negative side, finding some privacy when I was with my girlfriend was pretty difficult, so I did what most of us did, I snuck around trying to figure out parental schedules in order to have some "quality" time with my girlfriend. You all know what "quality" time really meant of course, in those days it basically meant "sex" time. Now days it is "sex, porn, drugs, and alcohol" time. Just like kids today, I too was dumb enough to think that my parents were clueless as to what would go on in the absence of parental supervision. It says a lot about the ignorance of the teenage mind to somehow believe that our parent's childhood and teenage years had been magically erased from their memory banks rendering them totally non suspicious of our actions. In that sense nothing has really changed. My oldest son in particular will ask me in less than a 60 second interval, when I am leaving, and then at what time I will be back, as if I could not figure out that my absence is being monitored for the benefit of him planning some "quality" time. For this same reason I simply lie to him most of the time. If I am going to be gone for an hour, I will say 15 minutes. Sometimes I'll mix it up and say two hours, and be back in 10 just to mess with his head!

Something interesting that I have learned though is that it really does not matter that much since now days some kids, mine in particular, are no longer afraid of being caught in the act of doing something wrong. It is like I have lost the "battle of values" with the boy. The years in which I could impose consequences of significant effect are pretty much over. This is a very sad reality that makes it even more difficult to keep any kind of normalcy in our lives together. Reprimands mean nothing, taking things away mean going to war with him, and the simplest of consequences are just not effective in any way, shape, or form. The situation is so bad that sometimes I have opted to just turn myself off from him in order for me to survive the moment, and at the same time retain a bit of dignity.

One of the few things that seems to be effective in the long run is to wait until things have cooled off and that he at least gives the appearance that no chemicals are influencing his mind, and then have a one on one, man to man conversation. I always start with the comment "I don't want to fight, and I am hoping that we can talk without anyone raising their voice or any insults." If he is truly off of any mind altering substance then the conversation is pretty normal and I can reach a bit of his common sense during our talk. If he has fooled me and something is in his system, he typically will lose control of his responses and say something extremely rude or mean in less than a minute after the conversation began. Lately this has become a very sad reality from which I am having to gauge from hour to hour when it might be a good moment to try to plant a seed into his mind for later growth. The truth is that I have never been able to get the desired effect instantly. Only when the moon is in the right position, the planets aligned correctly, and the weather induce to his positive karma am I then able to gain access to his common sense. Typically days later I then see a bit of improvement and some signs of hope. Otherwise it is all dust in the wind.

As I have made reference in a few of my previous posts, this week has so far been extremely difficult. One of the things that is extremely hard for me to accept is having to wait in order for me to interact with him. My parental instinct is to go and bark angrily at his behaviour at the moment of the infraction thinking that there is no better time than when the misconduct is in progress. Unfortunately, I know better now. So I have to force myself to bite my tongue and only show signs of disapproval by indirect means. It may sound terrible, but I have even opted to not feed him when he is in the middle of doing something stupid. Just yesterday I walked into the house to find him obviously under the influence of something and I immediately denied his request to go and get him something to eat. Yes, I know it sounds cruel, but at the moment I just knew that I was being used as a caterer and I wanted absolutely nothing to do with him until he sobered up. In the past I have given in and knowing that he is out of control taken the time to go with him to buy some food thinking that I can take advantage of those minutes together to try to reach him. First of all, nothing sticks to his mind when he is not sober. Second of all, as soon as we get back home I am typically the victim of some insult that makes me feel like a dumb ass for having even tried. So no, the answer is simply no. Greet me sober, ask me nicely, and I will fill his belly with whatever his heart desires. Greet me under the influence of any substance and I will not be the sponsor to his abuse.

I really wanted to make this post funny, but every time I have to process this part of my life in my mind, I just get upset and humor goes out the window. I promise I will try harder on another post to bring some joy back to this blog. In fact, let's forget about the whole subject and go to a happy place for a few minutes of our time. At least once a week I go to a Chinese fast food restaurant during my lunch break. A fortune cookie comes with every meal and I have the habit of just sliding them under my desk calendar. Here are a few of them with the addition of "...in bed" at the end to make them a bit more enjoyable.

• The only man who never makes mistakes is the man who never does anything...in bed.


• Your love of music will be an important part of your life...in bed.


• All personal breakthroughs begin with a change in beliefs...in bed.


• The mood is right for friendly chat to lead to romance...in bed.


• Your dearest wish will come true...in bed.


• Look around; happiness is trying to catch you...in bed.


• Your energy returns and you get things done...in bed.


• Your wisdom will influence others...in bed.


• Life is either a daring adventure, or nothing...in bed.


• A kiss? The renunciation of the heart when one is no longer alone...in bed.


• I learn by going where I have to go...in bed.


• Be direct, usually one can accomplish more that way...in bed.


• You will soon discover how truly fortunate you really are...in bed.


• The harder you work, the luckier you get...in bed.


• Take the chance while you still have the choice...in bed.


• Make all you can, save all you can, give all you can...in bed.


• Everything will come your way...in bed.


• You will be unusually successful in business...in bed.


• You have the ability to sense and know higher truth...in bed.


• You will pass a difficult test that will make you happier...in bed.

And finally, the last one I've gotten it twice so it must be double the truth...right?

• You will always get what you want through your charm and personality...in bed.

Thank you for reading. Actually typing these silly fortune cookie quotes has made me smile...I hope it does something for you too.

Dad