Turn on your gas lamps...

It can safely be said that us humans, no matter the upbringing and personal background we are in essence emotional beings. Regardless of how tough we are and how bitter life might have turned us, deep inside there is and always will be a child that is waiting to be loved. The most macho man in the world will turn into melted butter when the right woman unlocks his heart and touches his soul. The same is true regardless of gender for the any loving relationship. In fact, gender is not a prerequisite for admittance to this club of sentimental interactions, male and female alike are both in various degrees honorary active members. We might build walls and bury our feelings deep down inside of us in order to protect ourselves from emotional manipulation or abuse, but in the end, the correct person comes along and we eventually reveal our true selves.

I for one am not objecting to any one's survival and defense processes to include caution and prudence. If you are what seems to be a tough cookie in the eyes of others, there is probably a damn good reason for your behaviour. I respect your choice of discretion, moderated interaction, and for lack of a better word, distance. It probably serves you well to be this way and avoid getting hurt again. I think we all do this to some extent and even if it upsets those who are trying to reach us, it is after all who you are and must be accepted by anyone who truly wants to participate in your emotional playground. At some point however, if you want to have a good relationship with someone close to you, it would be wise to let your guard down and let them in. Otherwise the consequences are not necessarily healthy. After all, if you were selling door to door, you might knock several times on a desired door, but after to many negative responses I am sure you will just go on to other possible clients.

The reason I bring up this subject is because I know that in my life I have many times been that closed door. My ability to give back adequate emotional responses has many times been hampered by my inability to give more than I am already engaged in giving. It might sound cold, but I know from experience that this is not just me. It is quite often that we are truly not able to give back what someone else has so generously given to us. This is what many people call bad timing, I call it the consequences of the seasons of the heart. Many trees are not able to bear fruit in winter. Expecting this to happen is ridiculous and beyond the true nature of the tree. However, even without fruits or leaves there is a certain beauty to the tree. This is because we know and understand that eventually the tree will blossom and having taken care of it during the cold season will pay off.

Here in Southern California, very close to were I live, there are thousand of acres dedicated to growing beautiful and delicious oranges. Very seldom does our weather get cold enough to damage the trees, but every once in a while we get a couple of weeks of temperatures that drop into the danger zone. The growers have placed hundreds of old canisters that in essence can be used as heaters to be turned on one by one when the crop might be in harms way. As far as I can tell, there is no automatic way of lighting these sources of heat, and if they want the trees to survive it must be done. It is understood that if they ignore the cold weather there will be very little to care for afterwards because the trees will dry out and never recover to bear fruit again. Should we not be this way too? Shouldn't we, regardless of the season, take care of those we love so that they are able to bear fruit when the frost is over? It takes a very dedicated grower to maintain a healthy crop.

Just yesterday I read an email from a very dear friend that has been reading this blog. He comments "I guess the only encouragement we can provide is that, as parents who were involved in the raising of four teenagers, we CAN say that the troubles will pass, one way or another." He might not know this, but those were the exact words I needed to hear yesterday after a really hard day with my son. Yes, I already knew this, but hearing it from someone that has already gone through their own experiences regardless of how similar or different they are to mine gives me strength to not want to just fall asleep and allow the frost to permanently damage my trees. Thank you not just for your kind words, but also for taking the time to be generous in your sharing of wisdom.

I have tried for a very long time to not allow the continuous drama that surrounds my parental duties affect those other poor souls that are either by default or choice part of my life. I say tried because I am sure that my success rate is not that great. Sometimes I am so drained from my efforts to maintain a reasonable quality of life with my oldest son that I find it difficult to bring forth a good face to those that should not be affected. Worst of all, knowing how hard it is for me to deal day in and day out with it all, I find it even harder to imagine that anyone close to me would even be a part of it. Just imagine that if I have such an incredible amount of love for him, and yet find myself wanting to strangle him on an almost daily basis, why would anyone else want to be a masochist and inflict on themselves this kind of life? So not only do I not expect it, I basically don't encourage it either. The season is not just cold weather, it is more like "expect frost for the next thousand days." So here I am at the moment lighting warming laps every single day in hopes that my tree will survive the frost and eventually bear fruit. To me, this is not a sacrifice on my part, it is the choice I made years ago when I agreed to become a father. It is an undo able fact.

Other than recommending a vasectomy at age 14, my advice to all of you is to embrace your life with everything that it comes with. Do not wait to be happy until tomorrow because who knows what tomorrow will bring anyway. Take the few things that bring you joy and milk them for what they are worth today. If your life is currently in the middle of the proverbial frost, light up your own gas lamps and keep yourself warm enough to be able to bear fruit during the warm weather. If someone you love is not doing well, share the warmth of your goodness so that they too can survive the rough season they are in. The rewards for being generous from the heart are much greater than you can imagine. To all of you that are or have been at some point part of my life, you need to know that I am blessed because of you. If there is anything that I hope to be able to reveal to you, it is the incredible ability that you have to make a difference in each other's lives. You sure have made a difference in mine.

Dad