If I could read his minds...

Culturally our whole outlook at privacy and the ethics related to what is contained in people's minds would have to be reconsidered if suddenly out of some kind of genetic mutation a new generation of children would evolve with the ability to read thoughts. Out of any superhero power I would think that the ability to know what someone else is thinking must rank high in the list of desirability. Just imagine the implications. New laws would have to be written and then somehow enforced to control the newly empowered individuals from accessing everything from national security secrets to simple access codes to peoples bank accounts. The truth about what we think of how people dress, talk, and behave would be common knowledge. The infamous question "Honey, do I look fat in this dress?" would probably cause more strained relationships than ever!

I have always wondered if this mind reading ability already exists in some shape or form? I for one am a huge sceptic with regards to self proclaimed psychics and their sixth sense. I know that as long as there is money to be made from these special powers, there will also be charlatans pretending to have them in order to profit from the rest of us mere mortals. The collection of special abilities that are advertised by those supposedly gifted with extrasensory perception is almost endless. Still, somewhere in between my curiosity and my willingness to have an open mind I fall short in negating that there could be some kind of connection between our minds. This doubt, as you may call it, originates from my awareness that very little is truly known about our human minds. It would not surprise me if in some near future some truly amazing discovery is made linking space, time, and human awareness. I have always thought that we are just one genetic evolutionary step away from being able to see for ourselves so much more than we are currently capable of seeing in our present state.

I am sure that almost every single one of us has encountered the scenario in which we've been with an individual with whom we seem to have a special kind of connection. This is not an everyday kind of event, in fact it is most likely a "once in a while" connection rather than an "all the time" kind of bond. This is similar to when you find yourself finishing another person's already started sentence, or when both individuals have been talking about something and suddenly the subject matter is changed, only to be told "I was just thinking about that!" Are these just coincidences or is there more to it than meets the eye? What about the mother that is certain that something is going wrong with her child at a significant distance and later finds out she was correct in her premonition? Even though no scientific research seems to have proven that there is any type of physical link between these individuals, we must admit that there is too much at stake to simply dismiss the whole issue.

I remember as a kid going to a bit of a secluded beach with my family during a day of fun and games. At this particular location we had to leave the car somewhat far from where we spent the day relaxing and enjoying the ocean. On our walk back the youngest of my two sisters started to tell us about a dream she had the night before in which someone had broken into our car while we were at the beach. It had not been five minutes later when we had arrived at the car and discovered that in fact the dream had become reality. My dear sister used to do this quite often, tell us about something she dreamed about and then freaking us out when it would happen just moments or days later. Just recently while taking my mom, sister, and niece to Sea World, on our 100 mile drive I remember being lost in thought and for a few moments having the thought that I was going to be rear ended. I thought nothing more about it until later that same day, while we were about to make a turn off an freeway exit a drunk driver came to a complete stop with the rear of my vehicle. Fortunately for us we were not seriously hurt even though the other vehicle was totalled. At the exact moment that we felt the impact of the racing car hitting us from behind, it was as if I knew that everything was going to be OK because I had already experienced that moment in time earlier during the day. I cannot explain these things, as I am sure you cannot explain your own accounts of dejavu and premonitions.

I hate to say it but even though I am one of those individuals which many times finds itself completing other people's sentences, I have not discovered any switch that might allow me to do this at will. In other words, when I try to guess what someone might be thinking, I am almost always wrong. What a shame, I really wish I could find a way to connect at some higher level with others, especially with my older son. I feel that at least this way I could be able to understand the "why" better than the "what" is constantly taking place in his mind. This is not to say that I am totally disconnected from him. I believe that we have a very strong personal bond between each other. What worries me is that I am more likely than not at a loss when it comes to reading his thoughts. I know that I am usually able to sense his emotional state, like him being sad, happy, excited, or angry. However, these emotions are easily revealed from a quick glance of his demeanor. Discovering why he is in those states is much more important to me and this is where I fall short in my efforts.

What makes less sense is that if something which has nothing to do with emotions is causing me to worry about my son, a quick query to him typically will provide me with enough information on his end to allow me to take some kind of action in support of what is happening. He does not tend to lie or conceal information when asked bluntly. To the point that sometimes it feels that I need to make sure I really want to know the answer, otherwise I might be left dumbfounded by his honest reply. My emotional queries are trickier and he is less forthcoming with answers. I will ask the simplest of questions "How are you feeling today?" and many times be left with a solid stare and no movement of the lips in reply. It is as if he expects me to know the answer. Should I know the answer? Am I lacking in my parental abilities to read his emotional state while other parents might be able to do this at will? Sometimes, actually many times, I wonder if the reason for his silence is more than just contempt. What if he, himself, does not know the answer? What if for some particular reason there are no specific words to describe what he is feeling and this forces his magnificent mind to not even try to answer the question? I for one have found myself in the past speechless when faced with the beauty of something that I do not particularly understand or have any expertise of its content. I might try in my limited ability to say what it is that I feel at that particular moment, but fall short in being able to express myself properly. Could he just not know what to say? This would not be so confusing if it were not because on other matters the amount of information exchanged on his behalf is so extensive that you might even call his reply brutal, for lack of a better word. I am way too often smacked with the truth causing my mind and heart to conflict on their ability to process what has just been said to me by my son, yet this does not happen when the question is about how he feels.

I would not be writing about these issues if I did not find them to be extremely important to me. If you know me, you probably understand that I am very communicative and lack very little in my abilities to hold a good conversation and share information with others. Most of my family members are this way, we just love to talk, share, and learn from others. Why then is it so complex to make this same connection with someone as important as my son? I hardly doubt that it is because we are distant emotionally since there is no lack of our abilities to hug, kiss, and say something nice to each other. Could it be that we are too close? Is he afraid of telling me the truth about his emotional state in order to protect me somehow? If only I had the power to read his mind, to find the colors he has painted in all of the doors he has locked behind for me to decode their meaning. What is more important, if only I could make use of this information to help him get well. The scariest thought I have had with regards to this whole subject has been that maybe the answer is right in front of me and yet I am not smart enough to see it, understand it, or recognize its significance to be able to help him. It would not be the first time that I have heard someone tell me that the answer is obvious to them, but eluded me. If you as my reader have any advice, comment, or recommendation, no matter how inconsequential you might think it is, please send it my way and share it with the rest of the class.

Dad